Psalm 119:73 -“Your hands have made and fashioned me; give me understanding that I may learn your commandments.”
Today is my birthday, but it is also a reminder that 4 years and one day ago my son Isaac had a seizure. It was one of the most difficult days of my life. Since then he has had 2 more major convulsive seizures and has been diagnosed with absence seizures as well. The doctors estimate that he was having almost 200 of the absence ones a day. They only last about 5 seconds and are very difficult to spot but during his eeg he had 4 in 20 minutes.
Isaac has always had struggles from seizures to difficulty handling his emotions to many sensory issues to eating problems. This past summer he was diagnosed with high functioning autism and he also battles sensory processing disorder. The good news is that he has come a long way and I fully believe that the seizures are over. It has been almost 3 years since a convulsive seizure and he doesn’t appear to have any absence seizures as well. God has answered our prayers. Still the autism and the sensory processing disorder remain.
And yet as I said he has come a long way. He loves people, is beginning to handle his emotions, and truly enjoys school. Still his eating issues persist. He is healthy and does eat but food scares him. I don’t know if it’s from the seizures or the autism or what but food is still a struggle. Things that other people instinctively do he won’t do. So we have him in therapy and we work with him at home.
The other evening we were working with him on something extremely simple, yet he would not do it. He came to the place of almost doing it but then he dropped his eyes and began to cry. He was afraid. What we were doing was different (autistic children get into a routine) and it terrified him. Food always does. But that shouldn’t surprise me because food engages all of our senses (touch, taste, smell, sight, and for a child like Isaac hearing as well). It was a hard night and in many ways a heartbreaking night.
People say, “God won’t give you anything more than what you can bear. ” All I can say is that simply isn’t true. Scripture never says that in fact Paul says, “I went through such a time of difficulty that I despaired of life, I couldn’t handle it but I learned to rely on God and not myself. ” That’s a little paraphrase but it is exactly what he says. I can’t handle it God, it is more than I can bear, I need you and your help. Isaac’s situation has been more than I could bear, the only way I can get through is by God and the power of God.
As I said Saturday night was hard, it was discouraging, it was heartbreaking to see as he struggled with food. A few minutes later however he was laughing and playing and truly enjoying himself. I watched him and my anger which had turned to sadness turned into at least a little bit of joy. Then as I watched my son I realized we are going to get there with food, by the grace of God we will get through. Yet as I watched him I wanted more. I want him to know Jesus and to love Him because ultimately that is what is important and that is what matters.
So my prayer changed from God help me to God help us, to God help all of us but most importantly help Isaac to know you and your love. Then I opened the Bible to read my daily Bible reading (I’m a little behind) and this is what I read: Psalm 119:73 -“Your hands have made and fashioned me; give me understanding that I may learn your commandments.” As I read those words I felt the sweet presence of the Holy Spirit and I knew I wasn’t fighting this battle alone. God is there and He hears our prayers (and I know He hears yours too so pray for Isaac with us).
After reading that passage I shared it with my wife and she smiled and said I read it yesterday. God is good and faithful all the time and we will get through, not in our own strength but in His. To God be the glory!